Things I know: Pain

Some people write to tell their story. Others write to get away from it.  I felt the need to write last week because I felt that if I did not then my own thoughts were out to destroy me. There is a piece of me in every character I write, I read that once but I can’t remember from where. Obviously some characters are more like the author than others but were all onions, we have many layers. I got that one from Shrek. 

I feel that acknowledging each part of ourselves is important. Denying who you are only leads to a surface level person. I’m not saying that we need to act on every part of us, just don’t deny it.

When I don’t write for a while my thoughts build up and I go inward.  Many that know me would describe me as an extrovert but I have my days just like anybody else. I am lucky to have something to turn to. Many turn to drugs or violence or whatever other crutch they choose. I turn to writing because it keeps me sane.

I went through a period of my life where I did not openly discuss the darker side of me. Be positive was my mantra. It still is but I think denying that I have a darker side was foolish. It didn’t make it go away. Luckily I can deal with my dark side without it affecting anyone else. I am not going to pretend that I didn’t have a great childhood or that I had things harder than someone else but I had my moments. Those moments haunt me every so often, but I survived them and they don’t control me. They are simply a part of me. I use those moments in my writing. I use them when relating to people who think that no one understands them. I pull from them when I have to.

So what is the point of this? We are all onions and we all feel pain. It is OK to feel pain, for it is part of what makes us human. We just can’t let the pain turn us into something that we are not. 

Things I know: Perseverance

I am filled with the same self-doubt as everyone else. Maybe more, really. I believe it is the curse of the artist, or maybe of humanity, to continually doubt my ability. The difference between an artist who can sell their work and one who never does is persistance. Rejection comes with the territory- anyone trying to accomplish anything great will face rejection. Not every writer is a Stephen King after all, there is only one. My ultimate goal is to get my work out there and eventually live off of my writing. I don't expect to be a Salinger or a Vonnegut. I am shooting for it, don't get me wrong. I always aim big. Just like Mamma from Raisin in the Sun, I dream big. But my happiness does not have a monetary value attached to it. I just want to live out my childhood dream. I am a steadfast and as I put one foot in front of the other I am getting there. It takes a long time to walk a thousand miles but just because it takes a while and some work doesn't mean that it can't be done.   

Picture taken from: http://lovtoo.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/stephen-king.jpg

Things I know: Laziness

So maybe this is the teacher talking here but the biggest excuse I get for student's failures or inability to succeed is procrastination. Not that I am perfect and do everything when I should and believe me I am busy too, I understand. But if people procrastinated less and did more there would be almost no failures. 

It is amazing how often I hear the phrase, " I am smart, I am just lazy." Well this may be true to some extent but if one was truly smart wouldn't they find a way to get things accomplished and be lazy? Let's look at the people that we admire in life, whether it be a rapper or a journalist or civil rights leader. What if they were lazy people, would they have accomplished anything no matter how smart they were? 

"Sorry I wanted to get up and lead the African American community in a sit in but I didn't feel like getting off the couch."  I doubt Martin Luther King would have been in our history books if this had been his attitude. 

I am not saying that it is not OK to be lazy every once in awhile and I know that a lot of us grow out of it, or at least I hope that this is the case, but really people show some initiative. Just saying....  

 

Things I know: Bad days

Most days I feel as if I have it all figured out, or at least enough to be OK with the stuff I don't have figured out. Some days I feel like I know close to nothing. I know that this is not true but it doesn't stop me from feeling this way.

On most days I am a hopeless optimistic, one of my best and most annoying qualities I am sure. I live in my happy bubble with my logic and smiles and puppies, who are two weeks old today by the way. Today though, I am off. So what do I know today? I know that everyone has bad days and the days that happen to be bad, well maybe we are simply getting the bad one out of the way.

So today I know that today will pass and tomorrow will come, well I am pretty sure, there are no guarantees but I can say that it will come with some certainty.

There is a Buddhist proverb where a monk walks around the monastery in the morning with a little bird perched on his shoulder. The bird asks him every morning, "Is today the day? Is today the day that you die?" To some this may sound morbid, but not to me. It is not about fear, for Buddhists do not fear the inevitable. The message that this is supposed to portray is that we should live everyday knowing that we would be happy with the choices we make if today happens to be "the day." This is not always real easy to do but I think it is worth trying for.                      

Things I know: Work

I work hard. I love my job as a teacher and I do everything I can for the kids. I work a lot. I am not complaining though, I love my job. Just for a moment though, let's pretend that I am working somewhere that I am not so enthused about.

Come with me on a little journey for a moment, will you? Let's go to McDonald's, and if you don't like McDonald's then let's just pretend that you are just along for the ride. So we pull up to the drive through and a crackled voice erupts over the intercom speaker. "Are you ready?"

"Oh, uh, one minute please."

"Sure."

A moment passes, "I am ready." Silence. "I am ready." Is this thing broken? I chill blows through the window and my stomach growls. "Hello?"

"You ready?" The male voice comes off more as a large sigh then a question.

"Yes, I'll have a Big Mac meal please, no ketchup"

"What size?"

"Large." After all I did just workout and I feel like damaging some of that progress I had just made.

"Large?"

"Yes." Now I am starting to feel guilty about the large option that I was so confidant about seconds ago.

"What to drink?"

"Coke, no ice."

"No ice?"

"Correct."

"Really?"

I reevaluate my decision, yes no ice. "Yes."

"OK a biggie size number one with no ketchup and a coke no ice."

"Yes." I cringe a little, biggie size sounds so much worse then large.

"OK, that'll be $5.75 at the first window."

We pull up to the first window and they swipe my card. On to the next drive through window, you know the one, the one where they throw your food at you. I open the bag eagerly, for any picky person knows you have to check your food, only to discover that it is wrong. When the mistake is presented, they fix it. Nice of them but no apologies were made, more like a "dang you are picky" look. Well, yes I am picky but the last thing I want at a drive through window is to be judged.

I feel as if I must say that this has not happened to me at any local McDonald's but the point is still there. Some of these people HATE their job. I know it is a drive through at a fast food place and it may not be their dream job where they are raking in the dough, but it is still their job. The lesson in this, no matter what you do, do it with pride because whether you like it or not, what you do represents you. Not the title but the service in it.

I am also a writer and I work hard at it and I research as well as represent myself. This is something I have yet to get my hands dirty in but I have done an awful lot of writing, editing, reading and research. My next step is to obtain an agent. I know that the competition is tough but I work hard and most importantly I do not give up, ever. Maybe this is why I teach as well, the last things kids need is someone who is going to give up on them.

**Image taken from http://hullhouse.wordpress.com/  

Things I know: Family

Blood is thicker than water, we have all heard it, English proverb, German proverb, whatever it is it means that family should always come first. But are the route words of this phrase still accurate?

Let me back up a minute, the reason that family is important is because those are the people who loved you back when you hadn't quite mastered the whole potty training thing yet. These are the people who see the worst of you and are still there in the morning.

Maybe it's DNA that makes us so close to these people, our family. This brings up the whole nature vs. nature argument, one of the oldest psychological debates. Can we love a non-blood family member as much as a blood related member? Is blood really thicker than water? Of course scientifically it is, but psychology is a completly different type of science.

Spouses are a prime example of loving those whom we are not blood bound. I have a friend who adopted a baby boy and now my friend and his wife love this baby as much as if he were their blood.My daughter became family with my husband at the same time I did, at the wedding. She was six. He has nurtured her and she is his daughter just as much as our six year old son is our son.

So, blood hypothetically, is not thicker than water. Family is about time investment, work and compassion. You love someone for everything they are as well as for what they are not.Family has changed over the last fifty years and we usually hear about this in such a negative fashion but what if it were a good thing? Years ago the biggest responsibility a man had was financially based. A man's success as a father was measured monetarily not by time spent.

My theory, the family unit is growing stronger. More is demanded from parents and maybe that is a good thing. We have to get our hands dirty and compete with the Internet and texting. I welcome the challenge.        

Things I know: The only child

What do Robin Williams, Natalie Portman, Carry Grant and myself have in common? Well if you read the title to this blog entry then you already know the answer, we are all only children. So what does that mean other than the obvious fact that we have no siblings? Is it a stigma, a blessing or maybe both? So, google only child and you will find an array of answers. You may stumble upon Adler's theory, thanks to http://www.personalityresearch.org/papers/eischens2.html. High achieving, motivated and successful children whom are conditioned to depend on themselves. You may also discover that this is a rapidly growing trend that although the percentage of families that have only one child have doubled in the last five years it also still far from the norm. (http://www.timesrecordnews.com/news/2008/aug/18/parents-reject-only-child-stigma/) You will also find the spoiled stereotype as well as other famous only children.

I love being an only child. I love my drive, my leadership capabilities, my independence. Yes I am aware that it is not only the single children families that spawn children that house these particular types of characteristics, however I am simply doing my research. According to http://www.thecutekid.com/parenting/birth-order-characterictics.php I am mature beyond my years, I push myself to achieve perfection leading to an ultimately self-demanding perspective. I am sensitive and unforgiving. These are all similar to the first-born child as well but often found to a greater degree in only children. This leads me to the inevitable question, am I spoiled as well? Probably but I dare you to define the word spoiled. 


Here is my defense of the only children of the world, we are so damn special that our parents only needed to have one child. Or we are so damn terrifying that our parents demanded no more children. I am going to side with the original statement but I am sure that the truth is found somewhere in the middle, as is usually found with most extreme arguments of any kind. 


From one sensitive, care-giving, mature writer to the rest of you, try not to be too hard on me, I have enough self-demands to go around. Did I mention that I am very close to my parents? 


Next time you find yourself wanting to assume something about someone based on their only child stature please keep in mind that they are among such American giants as Franklin Roosevelt and Elvis Presley.  

Things I know: Segregation

I think my puppies are a little behind the times. Segregation ended before I was born.

Things I know: Short stories

I am going to start an exclusive web story. I am not sure of a title yet but I am always open to suggestions. Here is the first installment...

                                                            Part One: The News

Shortly after my cat was murdered the end began. The end is rarely foreseeable but if it was would we really be able to do anything to stop it? It had just started to get cold outside and warm in the house, heaters are a wonderful thing, and the holiday season was fast approaching. The dogs managed to get stuck together which meant one thing, our bitch was in heat again. Our daughter Reagan was bringing home good grades and our son's bad behavior marks were getting fewer and farther between. Even Darlene was adjusting to kindergarden and had stopped throwing fits in the morning and begging to stay home from school. Everything was looking up again.

But that is when it started to happen. We say we don't want to be kicked while we are down but do we really want a good time ruined with such news? I suppose no time is a good time for bad events to occur.

Charlie was up for a raise again, which meant for a good Christmas but when he went out to celebrate I stayed home with the three kids to insure that they would finish their homework and get into bed on time. And the damn dog, she was quite heavy and far in her pregnancy by now and I didn't want to leave her, I was thinking that she might pop out some puppies at any moment and if the kids were alone they might get in the way. I suppose that was the only good luck of it all, that I wasn't there too. Of course if I had been there would things have been the same? Would he have taken a different route, gone to a different bar? Whose to say.

As I was saying I stayed home and had just put Darlene to bed and I would have heard my phone if I hadn't run out to the backyard to check on Macy our pregnant dog. Instead Reagan answered my cell phone, which was vibrating on the kitchen table, a common spot for her to be found while doing her homework.

"Daddy?" She asked the phone I can image the smile on her face when she said it, she had always been such a daddy's girl.