The following article can also be found at http://blog.womenexplode.com/page/3.aspx
Woman Explode is a blog that I am currently guest blogging for. :)
The perfect wife, what a romantic idea! So what is the perfect wife? June Clever in her pearls? Megan Fox with the body that doesn’t stop? Where does that leave the rest of us? Seven years ago I knew exactly what it took to be the perfect wife. I mean… I’ve seen a lot of romantic comedies so I know what men want. But just to be safe I asked a few.
I heard attractive, no surprise there, I mean even June Clever hid a tight tummy under that housedress I am sure. Loyal was another big one, check. Tolerance, forgiving and smart, ok so this may be a bit of work. So shortly after my nuptials I joined a gym, enrolled in a Masters program and went to work on my tolerance.
Some of the attributes were “gimmies,” such as don’t name call and avoid screaming. Jealousy is a big no-no and “revenge does not a good marriage make.” I know that sex needs to be about the both of us, it should be a priority and most importantly it is not a me vs. him scenario. We are a team. OK check, I am ready for marriage and to be The Perfect Wife.
Boy was I in for a shock when I realized that my idea of how to be a wife would become one of my biggest marital headaches. When there came a time when he became frustrated with me I was heartbroken. “Wait, you’re angry but I tried so hard, what about all of my effort? Are you trying as hard as I am?” And there in lies the crack in the foundation of my theory. Now I am comparing my behavior to his. I have no control over him. The only person in this crazy world that I have any control over is myself. So now all of those things I did to make him happy have simply become a bar in which he must rise to meet.
So I began to question my motives, do I want to be the perfect wife because I love my husband or because I am a perfectionist and must be successful at everything? Does the motive matter? I decided that it was probably a bit of both and made peace with the decision in my own head. Why try something half-assed? That is certainly not in my nature.
Sure my husband and I still fight but the important thing to remember is that we are in this for the long haul and little battles are bound to occur. Maybe the quest for being The Perfect Wife is more of a quest of trying to become the person that I want to be, a wife simply being a piece of that pie.
As far as a marriage goes, or any relationship, the best note that I can think to end on is not even my own but that of the artist John Legend. “And though love sometimes hurts, I still put you first, and we’ll make things work.”
